Interview with Solo Mama, a divorced mother of three – Part I
Blogger: We are all dying to know how you manage three kids on your own! What is your secret?
Solo Mama: Oh, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Shh, don’t tell them, but I sign them up for activities from morning ‘til night! That way they have no time to get in trouble.
For instance, after school they have softball or soccer or track practice. Sometimes it’s a game or a meet. Then it’s time for dinner, which one of them is assigned to prepare on a rotating basis. However, as they’ve gotten older, that’s pretty hit or miss. After dinner is Boy Scouts for the sons, or music lessons for the daughter. They have about an hour before bed to do homework. And another day is gone!
B: Wow, you must be busy with trying to work full-time as well.
SM: I love my job. I have a meme at my desk that says, “Work: The place you go to escape your hectic home life.” So true.
B: Do you ever get time for yourself?
SM: Weekends are “me” time. They go to their dad’s every Saturday night and come home Sunday evenings. During the divorce, he and I stayed as amicable as possible. You know, it’s far better to lose a little “stuff” than it is to make a lifetime enemy. I know too many divorced mothers who are teaching their kids to hate their dad. Unless he’s a criminal or an abuser, DON’T DO THAT. And even if he is, please don’t teach them hate. Don’t you think we have too much hate in the world already? Yes, explain to your kids that their father did wrong and they have permission to sever their ties with him if he has hurt them. But at the same time, don’t express bitterness toward him. If you need to vent about him, be sure your kids are not around. You know the saying, attitudes are caught as well as taught.
B: Well, that’s all we have time for now. We will continue this interview tomorrow, when Solo Mama will reveal her number one secret for keeping her sanity.
Recipe for Single Moms
Many years ago, my three-year-old son discovered a love for food preparation. He’d come up with all kinds of concoctions. Here’s one of them:
½ gallon of milk
2/3 quart chocolate milk powder
Approx 8 tbsp salt
¼ can of pepper
¼ jar of onion powder
½ box of petit fours
In a saucepan, mix all ingredients together on medium-high heat, stir, and enjoy. Note: In order to capture every subtle flavor of each ingredient, it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to prepare before 6:00 am, before anyone else is up. I promise it will fill your home with a mysterious yet enticing scent, and will bring the rest of the family scurrying to the kitchen.
Doesn’t that look scrumptious? A half-gallon of milk mixed with chocolate powder sounds like a promising beginning, doesn’t it? Funny how life can imitate recipes. In my own case, life as a single parent started out not so bad. Once I rid my home of my alcoholic husband’s toxic influence, the atmosphere lightened as if the house itself breathed a big sigh of relief.
But then life threw a lot of salt into the mix. And way too much pepper. One of my sons began getting in trouble at school for disruptive behavior, and he was only 6 years old. His grades nosedived and his behavior grew increasingly unruly as the long year wore on. As this was happening, another son, the chef wannabe, was diagnosed with delayed development.
Sweet had turned to bitter.
I had eliminated one problem – abusive husband – but had acquired umpteen more. Child support was erratic, at best. Financial problems, like onion powder, is only tolerable in small doses.
Life had turned into a disaster that made me gag.
I decided I needed a way to sweeten up my life, and came up with the perfect solution: a delicious new romance! A purely selfish, yet pleasurable way to make life bearable again.
Of course, it didn’t work. Petit fours soaked in salt, pepper and onions aren’t so tasty anymore. Neither is romance when the rest of life isn’t working.
But here I am, twenty years later, my sanity still intact—at least, I hope it is. My son the aspiring chef is on the verge of graduating from college. My unruly son made it through school and has been on his own for many years.
So, you might wonder, how did I get from there to here?
It’s a long story, one I’ll have to save for next time. But it’s a testament to God’s grace. His merciful concern for the widow and the orphan.
Be sure to come back for the rest of the story.
~~Dawn V. Cahill~~
Don’t ask me to sing a solo, please
Have you ever sung in choir? If you have, you may understand what it feels like to accidently “sing a solo” after everyone else has stopped singing. Oops, you think, as your face flames bright pink. Or red, if you’re in front of an audience. Everyone turns and looks at you. Some may mock you or laugh. Worst of all, if you’re a soprano, some smarty-pants bass tries to mimic you in falsetto.
The thing is, I hate singing solos. I don’t really have a solo voice. I’d rather sing a duet. But God in His inscrutable way chose me to be a “soloist” and asked me parent my offspring alone until I launched them out the door as capable, self-supporting adults.
Just like in choir, sometimes in life we end up going solo when we didn’t intend to. Maybe our spouse died, or left. Or, like me, we made him leave.
I know how it feels. And so does God. Hosea 14:3 says, “For in You the fatherless finds mercy.” God has a great big compassionate heart for the widow and the orphan. I see no reason not to believe He includes the divorced or single mother as well. God’s everlasting arms are vast enough to hold you and your children with tender mercy. An old hymn says it best: “Leaning, Leaning, Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.”
I encourage you to lean on them. When your kids are angels, and when they are devils. When they mind, and when they don’t. When they sass you, and when they hug you.
I found God to be an unfailing source of wisdom during my years as a solo mama. All I had to do was ask. “If any or you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach.” James 1:5 (NKJV)
Dawn V. Cahill - Hot Topic Christian Fiction 