Don’t ask me to sing a solo, please
Have you ever sung in choir? If you have, you may understand what it feels like to accidently “sing a solo” after everyone else has stopped singing. Oops, you think, as your face flames bright pink. Or red, if you’re in front of an audience. Everyone turns and looks at you. Some may mock you or laugh. Worst of all, if you’re a soprano, some smarty-pants bass tries to mimic you in falsetto.
The thing is, I hate singing solos. I don’t really have a solo voice. I’d rather sing a duet. But God in His inscrutable way chose me to be a “soloist” and asked me parent my offspring alone until I launched them out the door as capable, self-supporting adults.
Just like in choir, sometimes in life we end up going solo when we didn’t intend to. Maybe our spouse died, or left. Or, like me, we made him leave.
I know how it feels. And so does God. Hosea 14:3 says, “For in You the fatherless finds mercy.” God has a great big compassionate heart for the widow and the orphan. I see no reason not to believe He includes the divorced or single mother as well. God’s everlasting arms are vast enough to hold you and your children with tender mercy. An old hymn says it best: “Leaning, Leaning, Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.”
I encourage you to lean on them. When your kids are angels, and when they are devils. When they mind, and when they don’t. When they sass you, and when they hug you.
I found God to be an unfailing source of wisdom during my years as a solo mama. All I had to do was ask. “If any or you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach.” James 1:5 (NKJV)
The Signs Of Alcoholism
In keeping with the theme of alcohol addiction, I hope you find the following useful if you suspect a loved one of heading down this road.
Unfortunately, the signs of alcoholism are not identified until the late stages of the addiction. This is generally due to the fact that binge drinking has become acceptable in 21st century society. Yet, while the ‘after work glass of wine’ can be deemed agreeable, it can be a sign of alcoholism if presented with certain other symptoms. Sadly, the lack of information makes this very difficult to notice and increasingly difficult to manage. This article is a brief guide to some of the most common signs of alcoholism.
1. A high tolerance level for alcohol
A high tolerance level for alcohol is one of the first signs of alcohol addiction. It is often undetected by people who choose to drink during celebrations with the user. However, if a person requires greater amounts of alcohol than before to feel the effects of alcohol then they may be experiencing alcohol addiction.
2…
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Sobriety and Salvation
SOBRIETY
When I was a practicing alcoholic, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t want to stop drinking. I would tell people that I was “on the road” to alcoholism. I figured I’d become one if I didn’t stop drinking. Finally, the day came when I saw myself for what I was: an early middle-stage alcohol addict who wouldn’t live much past age 42 if I didn’t stop drinking. (I’m now well past that mark.)
While I was drinking, I often went to AA meetings. Once there, my craving for alcohol only increased because THAT WAS ALL THEY TALKED ABOUT. Imagine a food addict being surrounded by conversations about food. So, on the way home from meetings, I’d stop by the store and pick up a bottle of wine, finishing it off before bed.
In twelve-step programs, the first step to sobriety is to admit you are powerless against your addiction. Once I did so, I finally got sober, and life changed dramatically. I went from gloom to color. Beauty burst around me. The sky gleamed clear blue. I actually cried when an arsonist set a local school on fire. Life was now so vivid, the craving for alcohol diminished and gradually died.
SALVATION
When I was a practicing sinner, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t want to stop doing my own thing. Finally, the day came when I saw myself for what I was: a rebel against God who wouldn’t make it to heaven if I didn’t repent of my sins.
Prior to this, I often went to church. Since I was raised in church, I had no objections to it. What I objected to was fanaticism. I didn’t want to be like those churchy people. Yet they said things that baffled me. They seemed to care what God thought of them. They talked about their love for God and His for them. But I just didn’t get it. I’d never experienced that for myself, yet I’d been told all my life that I was a Christian because I’d prayed the “right” prayer as a child. And I certainly didn’t disbelieve the message. I simply didn’t care that much.
But once I admitted I was a sinner separated from God, and repented of my rebellion against him, life changed dramatically. I went from darkness to light, death to life. A new warmth filled my heart. God’s presence was all around me. I now cared what God thought of me.
Thus, in both sobriety and salvation, I found out the hard way that going through the motions doesn’t count.
Personality Disorders in the Church: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Part 2 of 5)
Interesting to find this blog after I’d already written mine. This blogger and I came to many of the same conclusions.
Author’s Note: Please read “Part 1: Introduction” for the context of this post.
Part 1: Introduction
Part 2: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Part 3: Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
Part 4: Paranoid Personality Disorder
Part 5: How to Handle Personality Disorders in the Church
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“I know just what it is,” the pediatrician said kindly, smiling at the small boy in front of him. The boy shifted uncomfortably on the table’s crackling white paper and scratched his head.
“Yes,” the doctor continued, “you’ve got all the symptoms: a slight fever; headache; loss of appetite; a rash on your scalp, trunk, and face; and those itchy, flat red spots which are just starting to crust over. It can only mean one thing: chicken pox!”
Diagnosing a Personality Disorder
Wouldn’t it be great if personality disorders were as easy to diagnose as chicken pox? A lot of folks could seek help and a lot of…
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20 songs about narcissists (#1 – 10)
More on Narcissism – top 10 songs about loving, hating, or leaving a narcissist
Because so many relationships are unequal, predatory, and abusive, and songs about relationships are so common in popular music, narcissism comes up in them often. I have posted songs about narcissism before, but I wanted to put them all in one post. I will be posting 20 songs, 10 in each post.
These songs are not ranked (because ranking them is impossible and isn’t my focus here anyway), so the songs are posted in totally random order.
Almost every genre of popular music is represented here. I have tried to include lyric videos whenever possible, so you can read the words.
1. “Narcissist” by The420Four:
Indie stoner garage rock that hits the nail on the head (but is nearly unlistenable). It still belongs on the list.
2. “Mean” by Taylor Swift
The pop country princess seems like someone who’s been in more than her fair share of abusive relationships with…
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How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he has to wait for the whole world to revolve around him.
During a recent conversation about narcissism, I posed this question: can a narcissist ever be redeemed? I wasn’t sure. Of the handful of true narcissists I’ve personally known, none of them ever changed. But how do you know if someone is a narcissist? Here’s a handy guide:
“Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior), an overwhelming need for admiration, and usually a complete lack of empathy toward others. People with this disorder often believe they are of primary importance in everybody’s life or to anyone they meet. While this pattern of behavior may be appropriate for a king in 16th Century England, it is generally considered inappropriate for most ordinary people today.
“People with narcissistic personality disorder often display snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitudes. For example, an individual with this disorder may complain about a clumsy waiter’s ‘rudeness’ or ‘stupidity’ or conclude a medical evaluation with a condescending evaluation of the physician.” – PsychCentral.com
I’m sure you, as well as I, have known those among the body of believers who displayed narcissistic behavior. But this behavior is the exact opposite of Christ’s attitude, who was humble and God-focused. His world never revolved around Himself; His primary mission was to fulfill the will of the Father.
Back to the question, can God redeem even a narcissist? Since nothing is too difficult for God, the answer would have to be yes. But what would it take? Let’s take a look at some examples from the Bible.
- Pharoah, King of Egypt. He displayed a lack of empathy toward the plight of the Israelites. The Bible says he hardened his heart. “Who is the Lord, that I should obey his voice…? I do not know the Lord, nor will I let Israel go.” — Exodus 5:2. In Pharaoh’s world, everything was all about Pharoah.
- The King Herods. Herod Antipas was known for his grandiosity—a luxurious palace, lavish parties. Herod the Great was noted for his need to be #1 and his lack of empathy. He felt threatened by the birth of another King, God’s son, and ordered all baby boys to be killed. If that isn’t lack of empathy, I don’t know what is.
Neither of these men ever repented of their self-exaltation. The biggest problem with narcissism, spiritually speaking, is that one cannot give glory to God when one has exalted oneself. And God doesn’t take this lightly. Pharaoh lost his first-born son (Exodus 12:30). Herod died a gory death; you can read it for yourself in Acts 12:21-23.
However, one well-known narcissist from the Bible did repent, and did finally give glory to God. But only after God struck him with insanity. That narcissist was Nebuchadnezzar, the Babylonian king with a super-sized need to be adored. You remember him. He’s the guy who built a gold statue of himself and demanded everyone bow down and worship it. Three Jewish young men refused, and the king had them thrown into a flaming furnace (Daniel 3). But God got hold of him (Daniel 4). After he spent seven psychotic years in the wilds, like an animal, God restored his sanity, and Nebuchadnezzar finally exalted and gave glory to God. It’s a beautiful ending to a story that started as a tragedy:
“And at the end of the time I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my understanding returned to me; and I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever: For His dominion is an everlasting dominion, And His kingdom is from generation to generation. All the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing; He does according to His will in the army of heaven.” –Daniel 4:34,35
This is why Daniel is one of my favorite books in the Bible. It’s a story of hope and redemption. It proves God can humble the most egocentric of hearts, even though sometimes He has to use the most drastic of means.
So when we are praying for the narcissists in our lives, may our prayer be that they will repent and humble themselves before God, before it’s too late.
My A’s to your Q’s- and other juicy tidbits.
The issue of gay marriage carries so much passion with it, someone was bound to write a novel about it. So I did! See My Books/Paint the Storm.
Hidy Ho new recruits!
I am so honored to see so many new handles here at asktheBigot! I suspect many of you found your way here via the article I was privileged to pen for Public Discourse. Honestly, I was so overwhelmed and humbled by the response to that piece. And I am amazed that a post stating a child has a right to be known and loved by both her mother and father would gain such attention. It’s fundamental, and even obvious. And something which anyone, in fact everyone, should recognize and become an advocate for. And yet the idea that a child should not be casually separated from his natural parent(s) just because another adult wants in on parenthood, is a radical concept in some circles. Whether you are here because that article enraged you or because it was the fresh air you have been holding your breath for…
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WHICH JANE AUSTEN HEROINE AM I?
Take the Jane Austen Character Quiz here!
Dawn V. Cahill - Hot Topic Christian Fiction 